Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
