Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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