I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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