too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Vodka?
Forever.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
