next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
