The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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