Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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