ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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