dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
