so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
