You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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