Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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