I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
pray to the hookup gods
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
