So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
