i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
