Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
