Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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