You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
