Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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