did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
