The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
