The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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