There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
