But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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