P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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