Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
