What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
