but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
