I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize