ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
