mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
