My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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