His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
