Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
