can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
