I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
