I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So apparently I’m into choking now
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