I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
