I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have surprise drugs for everyone
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
