I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
