He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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