is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
