I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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