you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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