I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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