So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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