life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wear drunk well.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
