An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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