I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
