Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
