so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
