Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
