I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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