**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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