five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
