i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
