I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We are two peas in an std pod
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
