Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
