I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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