Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
