Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You're like the curious george of whores
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
