Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
