I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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