i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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