so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
