I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
