Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
