just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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